Pall Malls: Because Adults Have Bills

Oh, the dreaded red box (Or blue, green, or yellow.. but if you're smoking Pall Malls, who the fuck doesn't smoke full flavor?). Pall Malls, at a glance, have a slightly different design from most cigarette boxes and, with their beveled edges, it seems as though it may stand out amidst the pack-and-pretty rectangles that sit behind the gas station counter. Well the good news is: They do.

The bad news? They taste like vinegar. Famous American Cigarettes.. for what? And why in crikey fuck is the logo labeled in Latin?

Per Aspera Ad Astra - In Hoc Signo Vinces
Translation: Through [the] Thorns to the Stars - By This Sign You Shall  Conquer

So realistically, they aren't horrible. After all, they go for about $3.98 a pack here in Georgia, with cartons as low as 37-38 bucks. But let's face it.. no one really chooses to smoke Pall Malls. They're a go-to when you have no money, but still prefer R.J. Reynolds particular brand of airplane glue. But, hey this is a blog, so let's have a history lesson, shall we?

Did you know that Pall Mall isn't even American? It's fucking British. Pall Mall is a well known street in London, pronounced pel-mel, and was introduced in 1899 by the Butler and Butler company in an attempt to cater to upper-class American citizens. So Famous American Cigarettes is bullshit. But apparently, they weren't too bad because they were wildly popular until around the late 60's, when Winston beat the snot out of them in advertising with "Tastes good, like a cigarette should". However, Pall Mall's slogan at the time?

"OUTSTANDING.. and they are MILD!" Wow. Great job, guys. your powers in advertising are unmatched. I cannot believe they didn't sell. Seriously. Good job.

Something Pall Mall did do right? Spearheaded the "long" cigarette. Before Pall Mall did the 100mm cigarette, not many company's did it. And any company who did couldn't sell them well enough. But when Pall Mall did it, it caught on.. rather quickly. Introduced in early 1960, the Pall Mall longs became the number 1 cigarette and stayed that way until 1966, thus creating a standard in long cigarettes. You like smoking longs? Buy a pack of Pall Malls to thank them. But don't get the Pall Mall longs.. it's just too much abuse, and no one should have to do that.

But a company can't be all bad, right? (COUGHnewportCOUGH) No.. they can't possibly. Pall Mall does have one cigarette that actually has a pretty good flavor, which is probably why they did so well way back when. Pall Mall Filterless are actually really damn tasty. They're no Lucky Strike, but they don't do a half bad job. However.. you cannot find these mother fuckers for the life of you. The only time I found them was at a BP's AM/PM for 2 bucks a pack. So they were obviously older than sin. But.. if you can find a pack of Pall Mall filterless, they're not bad. Now, obviously, they're filterless, so they're pretty damn rough. So use discretion. In fact, the lady behind the counter probably said it best. When I expressed surprise at Pall Mall making a filterless, she promptly told me, "Well, everyone who smoked them is dead".

So there you go. Now you know a bit more about that cheap cigarette just a step above the cardboard for 3.10 a pack. Maybe you'll respect it a bit more now.

1 comment:

  1. Dude, they actually go for $2.72 a pack at CVS